Nothing can prepare you for this day. Nothing on God’s green earth. October 15th, Monday, around 5:30pm, I had to say goodbye forever to my sweet puppy, Gracie. The shattered soul I am left with is nearly unbearable. The grieving, the ache, the chaos and utter brokenness I feel is consuming. It started a little around 11am. My sweet baby girl, after a full meal with extra added canned yummy dog food, began throwing up. “Huh, that new food did not settle well with her.” I thought. I rubbed her sweet tummy, her back and cleaned up her vomit. She came into the room where I was working from home, and began shaking. I picked her up in my arms and she rested in them, shaking, and I felt her ears, her nose, her tummy. She was warm. I didn’t understand why she was shaking and not…
I’m mad. Not like, fiery, furious mad. But just really frustrated. There is a rebellion in my soul right now. The kind where I absolutely cannot make myself work. See? It’s 3:44pm right now on a Monday. I spent half of my Sunday the weekend before last working until 10pm. Which is fine. I wasn’t too upset about it – except for the fact that it was in Nashville and I had my last night with my best friend planned – but had to work. Luckily, she’s one of the bravest souls I know and has a deep comfort with exploring new towns (and cities… shit, and countries too!) on her own I have to admit – I do not have that level of curiosity and adventure. And she had a great time. And because I had a 7am call the next morning, I had…
This isn’t a bragging session. Well, in one sense it may be, but not like you may think. I am moved. Tonight I am moved because I was just thinking back on how I exisit, and breathe, and live in this world. How I see it, why I see it that way… I owe it to my mom. I wish I could express how wonderful my mother is. I could go on for hours and hours of these countless deeds she has done – gifting time, money, resources – not only for me, but my sister, my friends, her friends, her ex husband (my dad), her parents… Seriously, the list doesn’t stop. And it’s likely that more are to come in her wake that will feel her good graces. I know, I know, everyone is grateful for a parent, or at least…