So, I am kind of terrified of wasting my life.

After some deep and long, thoughtful questions from my best friend, we began discussing the idea of further defining our values the other night.  It’s something that is so simple, and struck me as odd that I never thought about it.

Her number one purpose in life, she reports, is “love.”  That got me thinking. What do you mean by that? What is love?  Love to me is so vague and is widely interpreted. I asked her – what does that mean?  She responded with “Growth and Intimacy.” Ok, and so what does growth mean? What does intimacy mean for you?

I think that’s a problem that many of us get hooked into – chasing vague ideas.  As I was asking her these questions, I flipped it on myself. Success. Success to me is vague and therefore, I find myself endlessly searching for this thing that isn’t actually defined.  It’s like, some feeling (which, womp, womp… I am attempting to rely less on my feelings than I have in the past – so fail for me). It’s like, some weird, “oh, I’ll just know it when I get it.”  Really? Will I really know it when I get it?

Brene Brown, a famous researcher and removed mentor of mine (as in she’s mentored me through her books, podcasts and ted talks), known for her great research on shame and vulnerability, was asked by Tim Ferriss in his Tribe of Mentors book, what she finds is one of the best investments she’s ever made.  Her [brilliant] response was “Problem Identification”  She said that many people just run to fix the issue, without really understanding what the problem is.  She deeply believes that if we take the adequate time to really diagnose and understand the true problem, we are that much more equipped to find better solutions.

That of course has me thinking… what does success mean – to me?  I know I have begun to defined it here. But perhaps I am doing myself a disservice by not really defining it further.  Same with my other values… honesty, freedom, etc. Honesty – am I meaning that when asked, I’ll simply divulge the truth unencumbered?  No. When I speak of Honesty, I mean self-awareness honesty. I mean, knowing thyself deeply and reporting honestly about the uncomfortable and exciting parts of yourself.  Likewise, freedom. Do I mean, being able to do what I want when I want? Or do I mean financial freedom? Or do I mean freedom from fulfilling someone else’s mission/desires above my own?  

Clearly there is some more work to be done here.  If my fear of wasting my life is based on the unfulfillment of the vague values I currently hold, then I am sure to waste my life.  Seems to me, that I gotta get clearer on my problem, on the values I am seeking to fulfill, before any such progress can be made.

Cheers.